Thought you were too classy for a fleece Snuggie and think those leopard print Slankets are tres declasse'? Do you feel that just because you're a shut-in, it doesn't mean you can't be chic? Vogue to the rescue!
Run, don't walk, (oops, sorry, crank up your riding cart) to purchase this soon-to-be-sold-out pattern (#1181) and be sure to find some shiny flammable fabric. Match it to your most problematic bodily function for easy concealment. Cancel your newspaper subscription, purchase and open a 50 pound bag of cat food, duct tape that remote control to your armrest and wait for a peaceful end.
Sweet dreams, lady.