courtesy of my friend Mallys:
Mallys goes to Jo-Ann Fabric on Sunday for on-sale flannel. ($2.00/yd for solid. $2.99/yd for print.)
Mallys is bored. This always spells trouble--and garish clothing creations--in a fabric store.
Mallys selects a pajama pattern ($1.99 on sale). Mallys selects bright (no, I mean BRIGHT) orange flannel for pajama pants, to go with the bright orange flannel she's selected for a pajama shirt. Bright orange, with skulls and checkered flags, deeper orange flames, and almost-red lettering, reading "Bad to the Bone."
Mallys gets to the cutting counter and requests a yard of this, a couple yards of that, etc.
The Jo-Ann employees are chatty. Annoyingly chatty. I think it's in the employee handbook that they're required to ask you what you're making and to comment on how "cute" or how "pretty" it will be.
I heard her say to a woman who was purchasing yards of **JOHN DEERE TRACTOR PRINT FLEECE**, "Oh, that will be really pretty. That will be really cute."
Jo-Ann Employee: What are you making?
Mallys, dreading: Just some pajamas.
JAE: Oh, those will be really cute. Really cute. Like for a 9-12 year old boy, these would be great. What age are you making these pajamas for?
Mallys: The bored 39-year-old standing right in front of you.
JAE: Oh. Oh. Uh. . . . Oh. Uh. . . . Those will be really cute.
Last night, I sewed cat-print pajama shorts. I wish I could say they helped me sleep better. They helped me sleep funnier.